Eskimo Joes

My time spent in Stillwater, Oklahoma...oh so many years ago...was short-lived. It was freaking awesome, though--I would do it again in a heartbeat!

One thing I miss most is driving down Highway 51 and seeing the Eskimo Joes sign that said "Say Cheese Fries" welcoming me into one of the best towns in Oklahoma. Oh how I love cheese fries. Eskimo Joe isn't too bad himself.

This post is just me. Reminiscing about the younger years...and having a huge craving for a hamburger, cheese fries and an ice cold coke, sipped out of a classic plastic Joe's cup. Mmmm....

*Crossroads*

I am a 31 year old woman who has been at the same job for over 8 years. A job that has nothing to do with my college degree, so I have to decide if this is what I want to do forever, or do I want to strive for more.

Striving for more would be to jump into a field that is foreign to me. Something completely different than what I'm used to...but do I really want to take the time (and spend the money) to do it?

I'm not getting any younger. I'm not happy where I am. I'm not sure that this change in my life will make me any happier, though.

What the hell do I want to be when I grow up? I actually may have figured out WHAT...but I'm so scared. I am so afraid of change, it's ridiculous.

So I'm at a crossroads. Do I, or Don't I?

And if I choose "do"...will I follow through? Will I fail? Will I succeed? Or should I just stay back where it is comfortable...

Lopez A Mean Girl? No Effing Way!

Below are three statements said to me within the last month:

“You do realize that you would have more friends if you weren’t so mean, right?”

“You and your two buddies are known as the ‘mean girls’ around here…and I’m sorry to say it, but you’re sort of the ringleader—the one who pulls the strings.”

“Daniel Tosh and Chelsea Handler are your two favorite comedians? That makes sense—they are just as mean as you are.”

Well, isn’t this quite the revelation to the sweet little girl from Oklahoma who is so shy and quiet it would be hard for anyone to form an opinion about her—but alas! It has happened and I am apparently a super bitch. Hooray for that…?

I will admit that sometimes I make not-so-nice comments about people I don’t know that are either getting on my nerves or are inconveniencing me in some manner… and occasionally I might throw a stereotype in a conversation—but only for shock value, nothing more.

It is very rare that I am mean to somebody’s face—and in those few situations, it is probably warranted. I don’t walk around with my nose stuck in the air thinking I am better than you [which I most likely am anyway] and after 10 am every morning, I am a bowl of rainbows and sunshine.

The one thing I do love is when people look stupid. I can’t help it if I am smarter than you and it is easy for me to set you up to fail in front of people that matter. That is not my fault. Let’s just call it a ‘learning opportunity’…and I’m the teacher.

That does not make me mean.

Here is one thing I could think of that may have made me mean--ONE TIME. When I was a teenager, I told my best friend that her fat, gay father looked like a child molester. That might have been mean, but I was a kid [who ultimately lost her best friend...Meh…it happens.]

So maybe I lack a filter.

I’m not a mean girl. I’m just a girl without a filter.

Yes. Let’s go with that.

Run Lucky - 5K (March 11, 2012)

Sunday afternoon, I got myself all decked out in green and headed over to the Run Lucky 5K. I was still a little sore from the run the day before, but I knew I could push through it--and that I did!

I ran the race with Monica and Chanel and it was great fun. The race was huge and there were so many people dressed up, it was fantastic. I love events that have so much spirit, they are truly my favorite.

This race is my fastest recorded 5K and I am super thrilled about it...and at the same time, I can't wait to kick this time's ass!

27:36

Red Earth Run - 5K (March 10, 2012)

Bright and early on Saturday morning I got my ass out of bed to run the Red Earth 5K.

Initially, I was very excited about this race because the top three finishers in each age group got a medal for placing and I had been doing so well that I could hardly wait to test out my new skills; however, about a week and a half before the race I got sick. Very sick. I couldn't run (as you can see over there on my maintaining log, my running sessions were pretty pathetic) and I regretted signing up for the race.

Even today, I'm still hacking shit up, but I'm alive and well, so no need for you to worry.

Anyway...I got to the race and it was a beautiful morning, despite the biting wind, and I ran.

You can imagine how shocked I was when I placed SECOND in my age group. I could hardly believe it and I am still so excited. I got a medal (to be pictured soon) and I am riding on cloud nine!

It was fantastic and it was my best recorded race yet--but had I been able to train better for it, not only would my time be so much better, but I might have gotten first...well, maybe.

28:09

Meeting Linden

I got to meet my very first niece on Friday and it was love at first sight. I wish my sister didn't live so far away so I could hold the little munchkin every day! She is tiny--her head was the size of an orange! Awe...happiness!

Auntie Lopez and Linden:



Cousins:



Miss Em and Linden:

Happy Birthday, Linden Alexandria!

My sister had her first baby this morning--and my first-ever niece! She was due on March 30th and they had just gotten their induction date yesterday for the 16th of March. So, needless to say, they were quite surprised when she woke up this morning at 1:30 a.m. and her water had broken.

So...I introduce you to Linden "Lindy" Alexandria--weighing in at 5 pounds, 7 ounces.



Unfortunately, my sister lives in a different city than I do, so I don't get to meet my niece until tomorrow and the anticipation is killing me!!!

It's amazing, though, how I can automatically love another human being just by seeing a picture and never having met her!

Northface

Chances are that I am currently suffering from ‘blogging fever’. I just can’t seem to get enough. No--I’m not reading your blog, but the narcissist in me is wanting to spout out all the thoughts in my head—which are generally inconsequential—and force feed your eyeballs into taking it all in.

I saw this on facebook yesterday:



It made me laugh. I can here Gene saying that in his little-fairy Willy Wonka voice and it cracks me the eff up.

I have—and love—my super expensive Northface running jacket [which is too nice to actually run in, so I bought another jacket to do that] and I go on so many adventures with it. I go to the bank. To the grocery store. To work. Everywhere! And my windbreaker? Very handy in the torrential Oklahoma winds for sure…

What gets me, though, are the people who would post this to their facebook and don’t own a Northface jacket. Those people are called ‘haters’ and probably can’t afford to put one on their back. OR that really stuck up guy who is ‘too cool’ to wear something so mainstream. [but that guy would also be too cool to post this to facebook...or even be on facebook]

Suit yourself—I happily sport all of my Northface jackets. You never know when you’re going to end up on top of a wintery mountain or need to go hiking for berries...or make an impromptu visit to Smurf village…so I will definitely be prepared.

This post is a perfect example of ‘blogging fever’. I mean…who the hell rants about a Northface jacket?

Me…I do.

OKC Thunder v. Dallas Mavericks

As a reward for being the best employee in the universe, my bosses took me to the Oklahoma City Thunder game last night.

Okay, so maybe I may have hinted early in the season my deep love for Jason "the Jet" Terry (Mavericks player) and maybe one of my bosses has four season tickets and thought it would be fun to do something outside of work as a group.

And maybe--just maybe--the game was awesome, the seats were fantastic and I had an excellent time. (That last part isn't a maybe...it's a fact).

Although I cheered for the Thunder the entire game, I couldn't help but get excited every time Terry sank one into the goal. Oh what I would have given to see him do his trademark move on our court, but I think he only does that when they WIN. The game was extremely exciting all the way to the end--the stands were almost completely full when the final buzzer sounded.



I wore my white NBA headband last night as an homage to Terry--even though he wore his dark blue 'away' band. I still felt connected :)

Here is a website I found with Mr. Man doing his thing. Obviously it's a sickness and he can't stop posing like a plane...but he's just adorbs, isn't he??

Jason Terry

The Asian Lesbian

Last night, I got massaged by an Asian Lesbian.

I use the politically correct term of 'Asian' because something about her face told me she might be from that part of the world...and she had a funny accent. I'd like to try and guess her ethnicity(that's always fun), but it seemed a bit racist. All I know is that she is not from Korea because her accent is nothing like my best friend, Lacy's.

I use the term 'Lesbian' due to the events that ensued...

My friend and I decided to try out a new place we had heard of that did "incredible" chair massages for $30/hour. This place had come recommended by numerous people so I was very excited to try it out.

Everything started off normal. I was seated in an enormous recliner that leaned back horizontally. I began on my back where the lady started kneading my head and shoulders (which was amazing) and I started to relax. Then she grabs my arms and holds them out, while massaging them. I noticed that she kept rubbing my knuckles up against her breasts over and over, but that didn't bother me at all. I have monkey arms, so it would be normal that my knuckles might rub up against some of her.

Moving ahead about ten minutes, she starts massaging my legs. That is great, especially when you are a runner and you don't realize how tight your muscles are. Next thing I know, she spreads my legs open and climbs up in between them--on the chair--with me.

That, in itself, was odd.

She starts massaging my ribcage (fantastic)...but when she got to my boobs, she rubbed them for a good ten seconds. Now, I have had many, many massages. My breasts are never touched. At this point, I was afraid to open my eyes for fear that her face was really close to mine and she expected me to kiss her or something.

So...red flags are going up everywhere in my head--but getting the back massaged is the best part and we hadn't gotten to that yet. So, on we go.

Fast forward about 20 more minutes and I'm face down on the chair, my face pressed into the massage chair hole.

The back massage was incredible. I love it--I have decided I need a live in masseuse to be at my beck and call.

What happened next was not okay.

After kneading the backs of my legs, the lady climbs up on top of me. She starts rubbing my ass. Who doesn't love that giant rump of muscles squeezed and rubbed? It was pretty fantastic...until she spread my ass cheeks open, stuck her hand in between and rubbed on my asshole for about five seconds. I actually lay there, eyes wide open staring at the floor wondering what the flip was going on.

I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I had clothes on--so all rubbing and touching was done through material.

Finally, the massage ends. I pay up front and add a 25% tip, just to let her know there are no hard feelings about my molestation.

I walked out feeling violated.

It was a good time.

On a lighter note...here is a picture of the movie they had playing in the joint. I couldn't understand what they were saying, so I'm really glad it was sub-titled. That was helpful.

Leap Day!

I really wanted to post on leap day since it doesn't come around that often (every four years to be exact)...but I don't really have anything to write about. So I'll tell you a quick story about my dermatologist.

I have had the same derma doctor since I was in highschool. He's an old Russian dude that still has a thick accent even though he's been living here for quite awhile.

A couple of years ago I went to see him about my splotchy hands and arms, which turned out to be hives. His solution to my problem was a shot in the butt once a week for three weeks.

Okay. I can do a quick shot in the butt.

So I pull my pants down for him and he slaps my ass while at the same time administering the shot. Deflection from the sharp sting, he says.

We did that three times. It was good stuff...and not weird at all...

Happy Leap Day!

Chelsea Handler

I boycotted the name “Chelsea” for over four years [for reasons I refuse to disclose publicly] and avoided anything that had to do with it, if possible. Even the airplane that landed in the Hudson a few years ago--the pilot’s name was Chesley and that was too close, so I didn’t read any news articles and avoided broadcasts dealing with that situation as well.

By doing so, I had to cut ties with Chelsea Handler. Our relationship was so strong (as I was sure to never miss an episode of her prank show Girls Behaving Badly) so you can imagine how hard that was on me. And Chelsea. I really enjoy when people look stupid, so her show was one of my favorites. [To this day, however, I have not seen an episode of her talk show, but I plan to rectify that immediately…well, soon…well, maybe, I have a lot on my DVR right now]

Anyway…

Last week, I saw that movie This Means War with Ms. Witherspoon and Chelsea played her best friend. I was stuck there, couldn’t avoid her, had to watch…and wasn’t disappointed.

I had no idea what I was missing. I feel like the last four years of my life have been empty without her and now I have to play speed-round catch up. I started by downloading her book Are you there vodka? It’s me, Chelsea and it took me all of 1.5 days to finish it.

Laugh out loud at a book? Are you kidding me? Well…it happened.

Chelsea Handler is my hero. She is bold. She is mean. She can be a little racist. Above all, though…Chelsea Handler is flipping hilarious. Hello! She even did an entire chapter on a midget and shares all of my feelings about dogs, it’s fantastic. My Horizontal Life is next in the queue and I can hardly wait to delve into that one.

Jesus Bird

Background: The city of Oklahoma City has built a beautiful new highway for commuters passing through the area and it opened this past Sunday. It has been in the works for years now and the downtown workers (thousands upon thousands of us) have used the old highway to get to and from home. Since opening the new highway, the old one has been completely shut down, making it extremely inconvenient for us to leave downtown in a timely manner -- or any manner -- with its TWO on ramps for use...based almost a mile out of the downtown area. (To be fair, they are building some boulevard to take us into downtown--however, that will not be ready for 18 long months.) Needless to say, I am not a fan and I think that the planning committee is ridiculous for doing this to so many workers. At least shut down cross streets to get us to and on the highway. Ridiculous!

So, with that said, I was having difficulty on Monday trying to get on the highway and i facebooked about my frustrations.

I got a comment from a friend:

"I guess you used the entrance over by the Jesus House"

It was awhile before I saw said comment and was finally on the highway, going 70 mph...perfect time to check facebook...and so I replied to her comment:

"I don't know where Jesus lives"

IMMEDIATELY after hitting send, a bird hits my winshield. Not bird crap. Not a tiny little sparrow or robin. A giant pigeon-like bird. Dead center of my windshield.

If that is not divine intervention, I don't know what is. I was very fortunate in that my windshield did not break--and the bird guts were minimal, although still there (oops)...and the lesson learned? Jesus knows when I'm kidding around. He knows that I love him and I'm a huge fan...but he does not want me joking around about him in a public forum. *Noted*.

I'm just so glad he didn't send an ostrich down from the sky :) That would have been hard to come back from.

Runner Girl

A little over a year and a half ago, I was reading my Shape Magazine, looking for inspiration to lose those pesky 15 pounds I had gained over the years. There was a little blip about belly fat--a tiny paragraph--that said the best way to lose it is to strap on your running shoes and hit the pavement. So I did just that.

36 pounds later, I'd say that running has been a great success to me. To my body, my confidence, my health...and may have attributed a little to my narcissim, but that's a separate post entirely ;)

Over the past year and a half, I have signed up for numerous 5K's supporting any cause available--girl scouts, breast cancer, battered women--and also did fun events like the McNellie's Pub Run (where you drank a pint of Guinness after every mile) and the Warrior Dash (mud, water, obstacles...mud!)

Running is amazing. Not only for the body, but for the mind. When I am pushing through a tough run, all I have to do is think about the endorphins that come at the end, when the mission is complete, and I feel like I am on cloud nine.

It's been an incredible experience and, although I have the occasional leg pains, I am very fortunate to be able to continue a sport like this in my ripe old age of 31. My next race is in March for St. Paddy's day and I'm very excited to wear all of my green, my shamrocks, rock the green hair extenstions...and try to beat my previous recorded 5K time (which I set over Turkey Day!).

Here is a picture of me after the Warrior Dash in Tulsa on September 24, 2011. It was a bit chilly and I'm soaking wet--but look! I got a medal and a cute hat! [also...as a side note...i am over 10 pounds lighter than in this picture as well. Goodness, I love running! Wait. Re-do. I love the results I obtain from running.]

**Jadyn Dances**

Here is a Lopez video pulled from the vault. When my daughter was a little over a year old, she took a bath. She danced. She fell. It was pretty cute. Enjoy!