I got married really young and together we made friends. But sometimes marriages don't always work out and friends feel as if they need to pick one person over the other, while repeating over and over "I'll be both of your friends--separately". Yeah--that doesn't work so much. Let's just say that I was apparently not the 'fun' half of my marriage...which is sad because I loved so many of our couple friends.
So I've made a decision. Make new friends. I can do this, right? Join clubs. Go out, meet people? There's just one problem: I'm a total introvert, so the task ahead will be extremely difficult.
The thing is...the friends I do have? Amazing. Some of my favorites are at work with me--and I get to spend a mandatory 40-hours a week with them. So that's fun-- unless I become good friends with someone of the opposite sex and then there is gossip everywhere and people start judging--to the point where I feel I need to cut ties. Or maybe a friend whose reputation isn't stellar and I get lumped into the negative with her just because she's one of my favorite people.
Why should I let society dictate who I am friends with? If nothing bad is going on, if nobody is getting hurt...why should I cut off a friend if I'm actually happy?
I don't want to, but it seems almost inevitable, really.
I lost my best friend in the whole world last year. My best friend of 13 years--the person who was always there, who loved me despite everything and was loyal to a tee. I lost him because I'm a selfish bitch, I get that. Filling that hole in my heart feels impossible...but it would be nice to have friends that were always there. Who didn't flake. Who weren't fake and didn't pretend to be something they are not.
Hell...I need a chicken who will jump on a plane with me and have a carefree weekend in Vegas...we will call it "therapy"!
This post turned pretty bleak, didn't it? It wasn't supposed to be some depressing rant...and it wasn't supposed to be a match.com for friendship either. I just have so much bottled up inside and this is barely a glimpse. But it's what i'm dealing with at this moment...so there ya go.